Go Me!

Laughing is one thing I do best! Yes, it comes at the most inopportune times. And, yes certain people don't help in those times! Let's take for example my baby bro, he hates going to the movies with me! He will actually physically hurt me to get me to stop laughing. Of course it makes me laugh harder because he's embarrassed. I can't help that its hilarious. He says, "shut it, people are looking and laughing!" Isn't that the point? Laughter is contagious! I have made many slink down in their chairs at theaters. Like he's one to judge, his wife loves scary movies...eeek, gag and ugh! She makes him take her to them all the time (she's bossy she even makes me watch that crap she's very convincing) ;). Let's just say Dude don't need to be going to movies like that. She told us he screamed like a sissy bitch in the middle of one of the exorcist movies! I didn't know a grown man could scream. Yes that's right he "screamed" in the middle of a scary part. Talk about drawing attention to ones self!
    Just watching movies at home he squeals like a chick and hides behind the couch. Funny thing, his son is exactly like him. I walked into the living room once to see his lil one hiding behind the couch with only his eyes looking over the top. I ask "kiddo, what are you doing?" And he is just stares at the TV. I turn around to see Zombieland playing. Oh hell! I laughed so hard, he looked just like his dad! Stupid movie channels! One second Finding Nemo is on, next thing you know freaking zombies are eating peoples faces!
  When my sister, me and mom are together it only takes one of us to start laughing and the rest follow suit. My dad (on more than many occasions) has told us to either shut up or leave the room. So then of course we try to hold it in. Not the best idea, you heard what I sound like when I laugh. If not check it .Imagine 3 of that! Ha! So we are sitting there "trying" to hold it in , tears rolling down our faces, bodies convulsing, little snorts here and there. And dads face getting red, eh, nope purple. Ah shit! Wait for it... Yup and there it is! TV's muted and the stare begins....wait for it...."#$@%*+-*%$+&-%@&>;=;%=#%$-%;$*@" in gargled voices "sorry dad" is all you hear. Good times! Huh dad?
   Its even worse when your driving down the road laughing so hard tears are rolling down your face. Yes this happens quite often to me. Just the other day Shelley and I were down in Boise for a work related meeting. We happen to cross paths at lunch time with a couple other co-workers. Of course Shelley talked them into buying us lunch. So here we are eating, I take a bite of this salmon salad and 'blek" it tastes funky. Towards the end of the lunch it feels like a bubble could possibly make itself known. Of course I ignore it. We say our goodbyes and head back to the meeting. As soon as we hit the first traffic light that bubble hits no holds barred! So, smart me let's it rip, its just Shelley! Big mistake...huge! I only get a pft out before I feel its little Huxtable friends following. Awe shit! I clinch my ass like my life depends on it.
  Here I am sweating balls and clinching my ass cheeks while rolling down the window, then I hear Shelley "WTF! That is some sick shit!" Awe hell the windows down don't help a damn thing! So here we are Shelley dry heaving and me laughing my ass off telling her "stop! Laughing makes my hole pucker I cant clinch and laugh at the same time, I'm gonna shit myself! I think that I have food poisoning!"
  Oops! Lights green, as I pull onto the freeway  still laughing, Shelley pipes up laughing her ass off and wheezes, "it was that freaking salmon salad!" So here I am driving down the freeway half the speed of all the other vehicles laughing, clinching, and sweating trying to get to our destination before I shat myself. And then she laughs out "so are you going to shit in the stall next to me while I pee?" I get instant stage fright. Awkward!
   Once we arrived I run my Hobbit legs into the handicapped bathroom, another big mistake (I should have shit next to Shelley!) I guess the handicap that used the toilet before me had no hands because he pissed all over the place. Yes I say HE the toilet seat was up! So here I am making a cushioned seat out of toilet paper! I sit down and debate whether I let it rip or ease it out. Screw this! It hurts! Disaster avoided embarrassing moment not!

GO ME!